New York University
How did I get so incredibly hip, you may wonder. Well, it's simple. I am a graduate of New York University. My hair is scraggly and hangs in my face and I have high hopes of being the hottest thing in the world one day. I will probably write a thousand books - published by New York University Press itself - and be admired by many. They'll have me give 'guest lectures' and go on speaking tours like some kind of rip-off motivational self-help book author, but I won't be one. It's just that my esoteric prose will sweep the nation with such fire that everyone will want a piece of me. And I can't blame them. I can only extend my sincere thanks to all the faculty and staff of New York University. So thanks guys. Thanks for the memories and the fabulous fame and wealth.